Hello from going into the…fifth month of quarantine? While the roller coaster of emotions doesn’t seem to be subsiding any time soon, I feel like I finally learned how to somewhat manage my constantly changing feelings. Everything comes in waves and among the lows have been many highs: more time to catch up with friends and family, quality time with J and Millie, being able to save more money (the one upside of canceled travel and not dining out), and having more time to relax and “do nothing” than I have in years thanks to a completely open calendar outside of working hours. Today’s post is a little bit of a ramble, but some of you may be able to relate…
A little background: We’ve been taking social distancing to the extreme and had no social plans aside from a couple picnics in the park/on a friend’s patio. I surprised myself by opting for grocery delivery for several weeks (I love grocery shopping and hate not being able to pick our own produce, weigh alternatives if things are out of stock, etc.) and other than running into neighbors in our building while taking Millie out 3x/day, we haven’t socialized with anyone else in person. Our masks are on any time we leave the apartment and I haven’t felt the urge to dine out (I’m sure getting takeout every Friday has helped!).
But now I’m starting to think about “plans” and it feels…weird. Back in December, we decided to travel for a night over my birthday…we were originally going to take an international trip, but my best friend from home’s wedding was supposed to be the following weekend (she postponed) so we decided to splurge on an indulgent one night vs. be gone for two straight weeks. We’re still planning to travel for my birthday this weekend…we’ll be renting a car and staying in a very small hotel that’s briefed us on their safety practices. It’s pretty much our first non-Zoom “plan” since March and while I’m so excited the weekend is finally here, I’m still a little nervous about our first time outside our bubble. We’re also taking a small “road trip” the following week (exercising every precaution, including getting COVID tests) and while we’d originally planned to fly for that, I’m so glad we decided to switch to driving.
All that to say…starting to making plans in the time of COVID has taken more of a mental toll than I imagined! We’re essentially going from having zero things on the agenda for months, to turning “planning” into overdrive–in not only the form of these upcoming travels, but also with wedding save the dates, the website (that I’m building from scratch on Squarespace 🤓), and tracking down rentals for our guests. And dress shopping–which was supposed to be in NYC last month, but has thankfully been rescheduled to a backup plan in the coming weeks.
I’ve feel lucky not to have had trouble sleeping for most of our time at home, but that changed last week. I couldn’t shut my mind off for five nights in a row despite being completely mentally exhausted from a busy day (not to mention the general emotional exhaustion of the times). I basically realized this feels like a sort of “planning fatigue”–it’s like whiplash, going from not having to think of plans beyond how to safely get in and out of our building and how to dodge non-mask wearers on the street, to all of a sudden having to make plan after plan and decision after decision. I’m sure this will pass but right now it’s weighing heavily even though I’m so nervously excited for a small slice of pre-social distancing life. Being at our home base this whole time was the right decision for us, but I think some country air will do us good :)
Have you been feeling this way? Anyone else feeling all the signs pointing to needing a pared down, slower lifestyle even when things do become safe again?